I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize