Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
