the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Randomize
