my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
