The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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