Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
