Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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