If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
