we're blogging at a bar
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
