I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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