Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
