Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
