Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
