Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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