her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize