No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize