He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
