He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
All the doctor said was why
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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