somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i believe in u and ur pee
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
