their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
