cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize