And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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