glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
