overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
