is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
