tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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