He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
