Where is the hickey?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
