Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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