I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
