The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
