does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
