Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
