don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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