so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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