That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
