Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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