I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
