my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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