Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
