you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
