I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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