I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
