i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
