My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize