We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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