I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
