I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize