Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
