He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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