Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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