If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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