Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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