i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
