she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize