I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
meet me or not, i'm out of control
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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