Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
