My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
