Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize