I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
