..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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