1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
