I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
