so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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