During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
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