Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize