He uses pillows to masturbate.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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