farters have to be the big spoon...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
