Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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