its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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