All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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