News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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