I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
