I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
