My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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