Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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