dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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