you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
