things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize