i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
