I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
