did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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