im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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