out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
