i think my tv is drunk
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
