I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
