just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
