I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize