Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
