Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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