the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
