I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
