You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
