Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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