I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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