im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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