He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
