I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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