We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize