Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
