My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
